She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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