Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
