On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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