sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
