You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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