I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
