Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
