I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
