Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
