I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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