I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
