Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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