Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
