College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
