I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
