your room smells of hookers.
And success
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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