The maid of honor just puked.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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