This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
