Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize