I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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