We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
