How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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