I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
