I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
