ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
