Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
