I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He shit in the fireplace
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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