so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
