It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
