Can Purell be used as lube?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
