Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
