Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
40s are totally the cure
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
