There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
