dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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