ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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