so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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