you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
