You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
