the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She's the barista slut.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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