My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize