did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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