hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
