Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
