Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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(914): View more from New York

Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

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(716): View more from New York

I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!

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(216): View more from Ohio

Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle

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(650): View more from California

you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'

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