i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize