Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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