i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
