Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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