I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
