I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
