What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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