Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
