I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
