Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...

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(320): View more from Minnesota

What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

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(254): View more from Texas

Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be

(254): View more from Texas

Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

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(512): View more from Texas

I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?

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