dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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