Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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