If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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