it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
