I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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