I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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