I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
