So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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