I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
