I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
